Puss in Boots

Original Post Date: April 13th, 2012

Author’s Note: By this point, I had been posting for a bit but had taken a break due to the horrors of grad school. I had also joined an adult sports league, which is a story and a post for another day. The drinking game my friends and I made for this movie was interesting, but it might have helped if any of us had actually seen the movie first.

  For the record, I don’t think any of my reviews are “life changing”, “a Federalist Paper for 2016“, or even “good.” But I enjoyed this one, and I hope you will also.

PS: Amazon informs me you can now obtain this gem for the low, low price of $1.50.
So, go nuts.

“These Boots Are Made For Walken”

In case you have forgotten about me in the month I’ve been MIA, allow myself to reintroduce myself: My name is DirectingTitan, and I write about movies. I spent the majority of the month of March barricaded inside my bunker (in an undisclosed location, no less) writing lengthy papers on a variety of topics for grad school. Despite the strong temptation to drop everything and go have fun, scholarly pursuits came first. As a result, I am now the proud owner of a Master’s degree and a bit of student loan debt. Fun! Oh, and I spent half of April recovering and joining an Adult Kickball League. But that’s a story for another time..

To celebrate my new-found freedom, I scoured the depths of the Internet in order to find the perfect selection for this week’s post. I stumbled upon this rare gem of a film accidentally. I was originally researching “Puss in Boots (2011)” for a work assignment when I noticed a much older, live action film by the same name. Granted, I was 4 years old in 1988, but I certainly didn’t remember this movie. Intrigued, I looked it up….and was pleasantly surprised to see the role of “Puss” was played by CHRISTOPHER WALKEN! Yeah, some guy claiming to be Sean Connery’s son co-starred, but…..CHRISTOPHER WALKEN. He of  The Deer HunterA View To A Kill, and….Balls of Fury fame. You know, the creepy-looking dude from Sleepy Hollow and the….creepy looking dude from Batman Returns. Yes, even the creepy-looking dude from Sarah Plain and Tall. Prancing around, meowing like a cat and singing/dancing…complete with a fashionable mustache. Obviously, this movie needed to be seen as soon as humanly possible.

I mentioned this movie to a few associates and, before you knew it, we had transformed a simple film experience into a group affair, complete with our own drinking game. Yes, one of those “Take a drink every time the cat transforms into Christopher Walken” and the ever popular “Take a drink every time one of the characters bursts into song” type affairs. I’m not sure many of the 10+ people in the room got the same fantastic experience as I did (actually, I am almost certain that they did not), but….what can I say? We’ve already established I am a weird dude, and at least they got a few free drinks out of it.

And so, without any further ado, I present to you….weighing in at a whopping 5.9/10 stars at IMDB:

“These boots will change our lives, Master.”
– Puss
“This movie changed MY life……Master?”
– DirectingTitan

Hey, DT! Convince me! So…why: Puss in Boots?

You mean I really have to explain to you why you need to watch a movie that’s almost 25 years old and features a notoriously odd actor as a mustachioed feline/human hybrid? Fine. This film is based on an old fairy tale (at least 1695) by the same name. Please set aside any notions you may have already conceived due to the popularity of the Shrek series; You’re walking in Walken’s word, now! Catch the fever! The tale (tail?) begins with an aging miller and his 3 sons. After a long life, the miller is on his deathbed and realizes that his time is short. He gathers his children together in order to divvy up what remains of his property. The oldest son receives the mill, the middle son receives the family donkey and the youngest son, Corin, (Jason Connery) is given the miller’s cat. Don’t laugh, we do the same thing in my family. So, armed only with the shirt on his back & the cat, “Puss”, (How original), Corin sets off into parts unknown.

Almost immediately, Corin begins to suspect that all is not quite as it seems with his new possession. You see, sometimes, his cat resembles your ordinary house pet. At other times, he looks and sounds like….well, like legendary actor Christopher Walken.

“Baby, I need some boots!”

Now, typically, cats are snooty by nature. In most cases they are far from our lovable canine friends who want nothing more than to play with you 24/7, regardless of your emotional, mental or financial constraints. Cats are a different breed entirely. Most of the time, they tend to beg you for food, only to turn up their nose as if to say, “What, this crap again?” They will constantly harass you into letting them in/out of the house, only to change their mind seconds later.  Corin’s cat is a bit…different. “Puss” has the same sense of entitlement, but he constantly morphs into mustache-mode long enough to demand, of all things…a pair of fine boots. Yes, boots. Puss is doing a very good job of making his master doubt his own sanity. And, hey, let’s be honest: If it would shut your new found, NYC-talkin’ cat up, you would go out and buy him some boots, too. And a hat, a cape, some lunch and probably a new car also. Anything he wanted, really.

As luck would have it, Corin stumbles upon some boots at the market which (for reasons known only to God himself, and possibly Christopher Walken) allow his cat to remain in human form indefinitely. Hooray! Before long, Puss sets his master plan into effect and begins showering the local king with gifts…courtesy of his “noble lord”, the fictional Marquis of Carabas. Because, let’s face it: There are kings everywhere with nothing to do but sit around in their respective castles and wait for Cat-Men to shower them with gifts. And most of these kings have beautiful reasonably attractive daughters just waiting to marry someone. Watching Puss try to pass his country bumpkin owner off as a lord who is rich enough to marry the king’s daughter is half the fun. (Walken is the other half, obviously). Puss has his sights set on great things for him and his master, and he refuses to allow such minor things as abject poverty, a few musical numbers and a homicidal, shape-changing ogre to get in his way.

Now that you’re here, check out:

Look, I’ll be honest here. Walken was the selling point when I decided to write this. Nevertheless, I’ll see what I can do. Well….if you’ve got kids and don’t mind cheesy special effects, this is a nice little family friendly feature. There’s plenty of singing and dancing to go around. You’ll only stop singing long enough to wonder how everyone in the kingdom managed to learn the words to nonsensical songs with no advance notice. You’ll only stop dancing around your living room long enough to wonder why a grown adult man has let his house cat become his personal life coach/love advisor/official ogre-battler. It didn’t work for me and it shouldn’t work here, either. Um, nevermind.

There’s plenty of…umm…..other things to see. If you’re a fan of Sean Connery, his son is in it! Err…if you like horror movies, the ogre has a bunch of shit sticking out of his head that calls to mind Pinhead of the Hellraiser series.

That’s all I have. I literally have nothing. I have to go. *leaves* 

Who brings a DVD to a gunfight? You do (If it’s Puss in Boots):

As I’ve stated, this is fun for the whole family. In other words, you’re not going to have many moral objections to Puss in Boots. There’s not a drop of blood to be seen, and everyone almost everyone keeps their clothes on. (You’ll see.) If you have very young children, the ogre may frighten them. For the rest of us rugged world travelers, he could just be that guy who lives across the hall from you and keeps you up all night with his oboe lessons and late night cry sessions.

“Are you…going to FINISH?….that MILK?”

I’m sure there are a few moral lessons to be learned from the characters in this movie, such as “If your cat ever turns into a human being, run for your life”, but I was too busy getting my Walken on to notice. Let me know if you find anything.

This is the end…

Why should you watch this movie? Well, you can get a used copy for $6 on the Internet. Can you think of a wiser purchase for $6? I certainly can’t. For fans of Christopher Walken, this film is a must-see, if only so you can see how much better his career has gotten. If you are fans of the other actors and actresses, it’s also a must see…so you can see how much better Walken’s career has gotten. Face it, friends: these boots are made for Walken, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are going to walk right over to your DVD player and make you watch a 24 year old children’s musical/drinking game. – DT

Final Rating: 3 out of 4 Poorly Conceived Dance Numbers
*After watching this film, DirectingTitan rushed home, locked himself in his room and attempted to force both of his cats to transform into Christopher Walken and shower him with riches. Several hours and one visit to the emergency room later, he gave up and wrote this post. Stupid cats.*


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