I was really prepared to complain about Mike McCarthy for several more weeks. Yet hours after an ugly performance (and loss) against the 2-9 Arizona Cardinals, the Packers head coach since 2006 was told to pack his belongings in a cardboard box and make himself scarce at 1265 Lombardi Ave. It seems like most people have an explanation ready to go. Some fans and pundits believe McCarthy had simply lost the team, or that the game had passed him by. Others point to his overall solid record and Super Bowl XLV victory to indicate he was being scapegoated and that the real problems lay elsewhere. Say, recent drafting by ex-general manager Ted Thompson, for example. 

Whatever your opinion on the matter, the fact remains that the decision has been made. While former offensive coordinator (and ex-Dolphins coach) Joe Philbin is handling the duties of interim coach, whoever takes over next season will assume command of a roster with a 35 year old Aaron Rodgers and a lot of money tied up in some big names that didn’t exactly answer the bell this season.

The defense, while young, made some progress under new coordinator Mike Pettine before injuries struck and you get what you saw for much of this season. The offense suffered some losses which resulted in Aaron Rodgers throwing to Davante Adams, Jimmy Graham, and two rookie WRs. Rodgers himself seemed to take a step back in some areas. While still maintaining an impressive TD:INT ratio and performing admirably despite his Week 1 knee injury, it often seemed he was missing open receivers by trying to do too much or searching for the explosive plays that have appeared to abandon the team. It seemingly took much of the season for McCarthy to realize the talent he has in running back Aaron Jones, yet all too frequently Jones’s number would vanish from the play-calling in favor of minuscule gains by Jamaal Williams and numerous 3 and Outs. And none of this is even mentioning the apparent rift that developed between coach and QB, the true story of which we may never fully hear. 

It remains to be seen what kind of reboot will be attempted and what exactly the future Hall of Fame QB’s thoughts on such a reboot may be. But that is a question for another day, and there are 4 games remaining to play…

Week 13 Stories

• Some guy got fired. I may have mentioned it. Other coaches potentially on the chopping block: Marvin Lewis, Todd Bowles, Dirk Koetter, Ron Rivera, Whoever is Running the Browns. I don’t know. Who else ya got?
• The Dallas Cowboys handed the New Orleans Saints a surprising defeat with a defense that came ready to play and, by Drew Brees‘s own admission, prevented the Saints from getting into any kind of rhythm.
• The Chiefs released running back Kareem Hunt after video footage was released from an altercation back in February. After speaking with Hunt at the time, the team believed the player had been less than truthful with regard to the extent of his involvement in the incident. A team could decide to claim Hunt, though he may be facing a suspension from the league and Washington recently got into hot water with their claiming of linebacker Reuben Foster.
• Speaking of Washington, Colt McCoy broke his leg, joining Alex Smith on IR. Next man up? The Sanchize.
• James Conner will miss at least one week due to an ankle injury.
• Tom Brady has reached 1,000 career rushing yards. 
• Kelvin Benjamin has been cut by the Buffalo Bills
• Emmanual Sanders tore his Achilles at practice. 

 

Playoff Picture

Nyet Russian Bots and Joski’s Yoskis secured 1st round byes.
Fly Eagles Fly, Waterboys, The Brice is Right, and Tunnel Snakes round out the remaining playoff teams. If you’re in the Consolation Bracket, don’t give up! You still have some say in your final standing for the season. We now return to Week 13 to hear from our sponsor.

The Match-Ups

Joski’s Yoskis v You’ve Been SACed

Painful Start:
This was not a good week if you like quarterbacks, as both Andrew Luck and Jared Goff failed to meet expectations. The Colts, in fact, scored 0 points on the Jacksonville Jaguars during a season in which Luck has typically been playing quite well.

Brutal Benching:
I would have been fairly skeptical if you told me that Courtland Sutton would outperform Amari Cooper or DJ Moore this week. Shows what I know. 

Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Greg Olsen suffered a foot injury and is likely heading for IR. Alex Collins also landed on IR with a foot injury. I guess You’ve Been SACed felt left out. 

“What to Expect from Spencer Ware” Pick of the Week:
This week was Spencer Ware’s time to shine, as Kareem Hunt had been released by the Chiefs. His fantasy day was saved by a touchdown, but other than that, it was nothing too impressive against a bad Raiders team on which Kansas City dropped 40 points. 

Result:
Joski’s Yoskis hits an impressive 9-4 record.
You’ve Been SACed falls to 6-7. One must wonder if any of this could have been avoided by occasionally signing in?

 

Dave’s Dandy Team v Slap and Pickle

Painful Start:
Not what we’ve come to expect from players like Kirk Cousins and Mark Ingram. Definitely what we’ve come to expect from the Green Bay defense. 

Brutal Benching:
Jared Cook takes the prize this week with 7 catches for 100 yards and a TD on Slap and Pickle’s bench. 

“What Can Brown Do For You?” Pick of the Week:
A week after his play was criticized by QB Ben Roethlisberger, Antonio Brown turned in his best fantasy performance of the season with 26 points for Dave’s Dandy Team.  

Result:
Dave’s Dandy Team delivers a debilitating debacle and reaches 6-7.
Slap and Pickle digs a hole to the center of the earth to see what 4-9 feels like.

 

Ninja Bitsy v Bligh’s Gonna Cry

Painful Start:
Plenty of lemons to pick from this week. Drew Brees was effectively shut down by the Cowboys defense, Mike Davis rushed for 10 yards, David Moore didn’t receive a target. Ugliness abounds, fair readers!

Brutal Benching:
Mariota over Brees? This week, anyway. Baltimore’s defense had a surprisingly good performance against Atlanta and would have gotten Bligh’s Gonna Cry the victory this week.

“Tarik Cohen Can Do It All” Pick of the Week:
This week, Cohen snagged 12 catches for 156 yards and also threw a game-tying touchdown pass that would send the Bears into overtime against the….Giants?!

Result:
 Ninja Bitsy picks up a win and now sits at 7-6.
Bligh’s Gonna Cry loses a close one and hits 6-7.

 

The Brice is Right v Deep State Dynamos

Painful Start:
A weak performance from Tyreek Hill coupled with Danny Amendola sitting out with a knee injury definitely put a dent in The Brice is Right‘s score this week.

Brutal Benching:
Todd Gurley on the bench?! Goodnight, sweet prince.

Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Charlie Christian Kirk to the IR with a foot injury. 

“Gotta Love Larry” Pick of the Week:
In what is presumably his last season, it was cool to see Larry Fitzgerald and Rodgers share a moment & bro hug post-game. 

Result:
Those rascally Dynamos pull out another victory and a 6-7 record.
The Brice is Right drops to 7-6.

 

Fly Eagles Fly v Waterboys

Painful Start:
Ben Watson continued his trend of either getting you double digit points or getting you a big fat zero and a kick in the dick. Ok, maybe not that last part. 

Brutal Benching:
Golden Tate lit up Washington’s defense for 20 points on Waterboys’s bench.

“Where Have You Gone, Leonard Fournette?” Pick of the Week:
Oh, right. He got suspended and will return in Week 14, just in time to knock me out of the playoffs. 

Result:
Waterboys takes a narrow victory but makes it a 3 game streak at 8-5.
Fly Eagles Fly drops a bit to 8-5.

Nyet Russian Bots v Wookiee Samurai

Painful Start:
Another clunker from Demaryius Thomas, an uncharacteristically bad performance from the Washington defense, and Nyet Russian Bots started some random dude at TE and got 1 point. 

Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Emmanual Sanders tore his Achilles during practice and is now on IR. Tough break for Nyet Russian Bots. 

“The Texans May Never Lose Again” Pick of the Week:
Ok, I’m exaggerating. But they’re still looking good. 

Result:
Nyet Russian Bots (sigh) makes it 5 wins in a row and has a record of 11-2.
Wookiee Samurai drops to 4-9 and has his sights set on the Consolation Bracket.

 

Tunnel Snakes v Assume the Position

Painful Start:
0 points from Adam Vinatieri, 2 from Njoku, 3 each from Mack and Ridley. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY TEAM? For the opponent, Assume the Position got 0 points from an invisible Melvin Gordon (because he didn’t play) and 0 from an IR’d Jakeem Grant.

Brutal Benching:
Chris Godwin, Justin Jackson, and the Colts defense all outperformed my starters this week. 

Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
James Conner suffered a lower body injury that may turn out to be a high ankle sprain. AJ Green landed on IR with a foot injury. 

“Why Do I Have So Many Buccaneers?” Pick of the Week:
For a garbo team, they actually have some decent fantasy offerings. 

Result:
Tunnel Snakes slither their way into the playoffs at 7-6!
Assume the Position drops to 2-11. Also, Mark Sanchez is the Washington QB. Lol. 

 

Week 13 is cancelled, chief. Stay tuned for our first Playoff Edition next week.