Friends, we have arrived. 14 weeks of NFL action and snarky blog posts have brought us here, to the playoffs. All the injuries (lots of them, sadly), all the shady backroom trade deals (none, sadly) and all the savvy waiver-wire pickups (some really nice pickups this season) have all lead to this moment. It is survival of the fittest or, in some cases, survival of teams whose owners checked out 8 or 9 weeks ago and somehow are still alive.
Yes, what a long, strange trip it has been. Now, we are playing with real space bucks. The training wheels are off, the safety net has been removed. Win and advance, lose and go home…unless you were lucky enough to get a first round bye. But first…
Week 14 Stories
- Raiders have fired GM Reggie McKenzie after 7 seasons. Let the Gruden rebuild commence, I suppose. I am interested to see how the Raiders spend their 3 first round picks…
- Bears defense held the Rams to an impressive 6 points. The NFC North belongs to Chicago this season, and if they figure out their offense they could be a strong playoff team…
- The Dolphins came from behind to shock the Patriots with a last minute trick play that involved a flip, a lateral, and a TD from Kenyan Drake. Poor Gronk was out there to “prevent a big play” or something.
- Patrick Mahomes continues his argument for season MVP with a win over the Ravens.
- 49ers tight end George Kittle had a 210 yard & a TD day against the Broncos.
- Dallas continues to reap the benefits of the trade for WR Amari Cooper, who had 3 touchdowns against the Eagles…including the game-ending tip ball in overtime.
- The Packers seemed to get back on track, though it was a win against a weak Atlanta squad. Interim coach Joe Philbin set an NFL record for blowing both of his challenges in the first 1:04 of game time. Not a great argument in favor of retaining him next season, though it’s nice to win for a change.
- Former Chiefs RB Kareem Hunt is headed to counseling. Hopefully he puts in the necessary work, turns his life around, and doesn’t attempt to return too soon.
Playoff Match-Ups: Championship Bracket
Nyet Russian Bots and Joski’s Yoskis both enjoyed a first round bye, meaning the only people they had to beat were themselves. Giggity.
The Brice is Right v Waterboys
WRs Danny Amendola and Golden Tate both turned in some disappointing performances through the air, while RBs Todd Gurley and Peyton Barber couldn’t get much going on the ground this week. It’s always a bummer when studs like Gurley carry your team all season but disappear when your fantasy team needs them the most, but that’s why we play the game.
Dede Westbrook was seemingly the only Jaguar who showed up in this loss this week, and his 18 bench points certainly could have helped Waterboys.
Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Tyreek Hill exited the game early with a heel injury, though he was able to return after limping off for a bit. OBJ missed this week’s match-up entirely due to a quad injury. While his fantasy owners were justifiably upset, the Giants themselves didn’t really need his services as they handled Washington easily.
“New TD Champ Eric Ebron” Pick of the Week:
This week, in his first season with the Colts, Ebron broke Dallas Clark’s 2007 franchise TD record with 12 TD receptions.
The Brice is Right advances to the next round and sends Waterboys packing.
Tunnel Snakes v Fly Eagles Fly
Why hast thou forsaken me, Calvin Ridley? We made such beautiful music together earlier this season. Even though your numbers haven’t been great recently, I was sure a matchup with the Packers would be just what the doctor ordered. Sigh.
Fly Eagles Fly would probably like to know where his team was this week. Leonard Fournette dropped the ball, Brandin Cooks disappointed and even the typically reliable Phillip Rivers turned in a dismal performance.
I’m going to stop writing about constantly starting the wrong tight end this week. Just assume it goes without saying. This week, I also picked up the Giants defense for a one week rental and forgot to use them. Oops. Fly Eagles Fly could definitely have used Curtis Samuel’s 10 points in this one.
Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
James Conner missed Week 14 with an ankle injury, and Matt Breida was ruled out with an injured foot.
“This was a boring ass game” Pick of the Week:
Sorry, folks. There was literally nothing to see here. You deserved better.
Tunnel Snakes slither their way to a playoff victory before their eventual slaughter next week. Fly Eagles Fly is off to the taxidermist.
Playoff Match-Ups: Consolation Bracket
In other league news, Dave’s Dandy Team defeated Wookiee Samurai in their playoff match-up. Meanwhile, You’ve Been SACed snuck by Bligh’s Gonna Cry.
Next week, we’ll have a full lineup of games though I’ll probably focus on the Championship Bracket for brevity’s sake. Until next time!