Week 8 Stories:
- The Cleveland Browns have fired coach Hue Jackson after 2.5 years and a record of 3-36-1. Also getting a Halloween exorcism is Browns offensive coordinator Todd Haley. Cleveland appears to have their QB in Baker Mayfield, and have started to put together a solid defense. Yet the curse of the Browns continues for now…
- Gregg Williams will act as interim head coach while OC duties fall to Freddie Kitchens.
- If Ty Montgomery of the Packers really went against coaches’ orders and decided to run out that last kick against the Rams (which led to a fumble and prevented any chance of some Aaron Rodgers magic), expect to see some very angry faces around Lambeau Field. There’s chatter online about a potential cut or trade, but that could just be noise. However, when your franchise QB ain’t happy with you, look out.
*UPDATE* Montgomery has been traded to the Baltimore Ravens for a 7th round pick. So it goes. - Guess who’s back, baby?! Trick or Treat:
That’s right, Ryan Fitzpatrick emerged from his coffin after Jameis Winston threw 4 interceptions against a bad Bengals defense. Fitz is on track to start in Week 9 but who even knows how that situation will end up. - DeSean Jackson has reportedly asked for a trade from the Buccaneers. Jackson began the season hot but doesn’t seem to share the same chemistry with Jameis Winston as he does with Mr. Fitzmagic. Regardless of QB, Jackson did set a new record Sunday for most touchdowns of at least 60 yards.
- Colts Kicker Adam Vinatieri became the NFL points leader with 2,550 career points.
- Eagles landed WR Golden Tate from Detroit for a 3rd round pick.
- Denver ships WR Demaryius Thomas and a 7th round pick to the Houston Texans for a 4th and a 7th round pick.
- WR Terrelle Pryor is signing with the Bills.
- Seahawks have released WR Brandon Marshall.
The Match-Ups
Fly Eagles Fly v Ninja Bitsy
Painful Start:
Last week, Ben Watson caught Drew Brees’ 500th touchdown pass. This week, he didn’t catch anything and Yahoo Fantasy is not being very helpful about why. I’m not sure if he was injured or just not targeted. Either way, have a 0 Fly Eagles Fly!
Speaking of Drew Brees, the Vikings managed to hold him to just under 8 fantasy points for Ninja Bitsy. I guess you can’t have record setting performances every week, Drew.
“Start Whichever Defense is Playing the Buffalo Bills” Pick of the Week:
Pretty self explanatory here.
Result:
Fly Eagles Fly takes the victory and their 3rd win in a row. Welcome to 5-3.
Ninja Bitsy doesn’t meet her predicted points and falls to 5-3.
Assume the Position v Wookiee Samurai
Painful Start:
Miami Dolphins defense delivered a lackluster -4 for Assume The Position. It didn’t help that Deshaun Watson had a career performance for the Houston Texans.
For Wookiee Samurai, Demaryius Thomas turned in a disappointing 4 point day. According to Thomas himself, there is a “50/50” chance he will be traded. Maybe a change of scenery can help? *Update* The trade is a done deal (see above). Even Aaron Rodgers had a scary day on the stat sheet, although they did call back a Jimmy Graham touchdown which eventually went to Jamaal Williams.
Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Pierre Garcon missed Week 8 with shoulder and knee injuries. On an unrelated note, did you know you can drop players who have been placed on IR? There’s even a neat little IR slot that I added for each team. Not sure why I’m thinking of this. Just something about this match-up, I suppose.
“Proud Papa” Pick of the Week:
Congrats to Assume the Position on the new arrival to his family. Have a cigar!
Result:
Wookiee Samurai is heating up with his 2nd victory and a 2-6 record.
Assume the Position ends up with a dirty diaper and a 1-7 record.
Joski’s Yoskis v Bligh’s Gonna Cry
Painful Start:
Martavis Bryant didn’t receive any targets this week, snagging 0 points for Joski’s Yoskis. As far as bad surprises go, this is like going Trick or Treating and getting nothing but un-ironic Jack Chick comics about the dangers of Halloween.
Baltimore’s defense had 2 bad weeks in a row for Bligh’s Gonna Cry, and it doesn’t get anytime soon. Jimmy Graham would have done a lot better than 2 points if his one big catch had been ruled a touchdown. Sigh.
Brutal Benching:
Joski’s, being a Panthers fan I’m sure you know that Greg Olsen is back and is one bad play away from re-injuring his broken foot safe to start. Marquise Goodwin would have been a nice play this week, also.
Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Will Fuller V went down with a knee injury and requires surgery. He is expected to be out for about 6-9 months. Sorry for your loss, Yoskis.
“Davante Adams Appreciation Day” Pick of the Week:
Let’s hear it for Davante Adams, who completed his 3rd straight game of at least 130 yards. Bligh’s Gonna Cry’s season may not be playing out as he intended, but Adams has been money in the bank all year.
Result:
*Bane Voice* The Fire Rises, brother. And so does Joski’s Yoskis, moving to 5-3.
Bligh’s Gonna Cry is buried alive at 3-5, but for how long?!
Slap and Pickle v Waterboys
Painful Start:
I know what you’re thinking. It’s Halloween, what are the chances Slap and Pickle will come back from the dead and bite an unsuspecting team in the ass? Well, 0. The chances are 0. You must be new here.
Despite some solid performances from his other players, Slap is still missing Jay Ajayi AND Sony Michel. It’s difficult to play football without running backs. His LA Chargers defense was also on a bye.
Brutal Benching:
Peyton Barber and Devontae Booker both outperformed Isiah Crowell this week. DeVante Parker returned for the Dolphins after being a healthy scratch for weeks, but we don’t blame Waterboys for not rolling with him this week.
Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Slap and Pickle’s entire backfield. Bazinga.
“Army of Darkness is a Good Movie for Halloween & You Should Watch it”
Pick of the Week:
Result:
Slap and Pickle reads from the wrong Necronomicon and falls to 3-5.
Waterboys get some sugar at 5-3.
Dave’s Dandy Team v Deep State Dynamos
Painful Start:
This was a strange game for wideouts and kickers. Kickers for both teams only delivered 2 points apiece, while Alshon Jeffery, Doug Baldwin, and T.Y. Hilton also turned in lackluster results. No one gets a pass this week!
Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Gronk was questionable for Week 8 (likewise for Josh Gordon) but we all know what to expect from Bill Belichick and his injury reports.
“Who the Fuck” Pick of the Week:
Deep State Dynamos have been very good this season at picking players I never heard of and getting satisfactory fantasy performances from them. WHO IS JEFF HEUERMAN? I MUST UNLOCK THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE THAT IS JEFF HEUERMAN!
Result:
Dave’s Dandy Team pulls out the victory and moves to 4-4.
Deep State Dynamos drop this one and reach 3-5.
Nyet Russian Bots v The Brice is Right
Painful Start:
Hard to pick just one this week, so here’s a few. Geronimo Allison returned to Nyet Russian Bots after missing some time due to concussion & hamstring injuries. However, he only made one catch for 14 yards. Keelan Cole fumbled for The Brice is Right and was apparently benched afterward. C.J. Uzomah had 4 targets but 0 catches.
Brutal Benching:
Lamar Miller and Larry Fitzgerald both had great games for The Brice is Right‘s bench. In Fitzgerald’s case, the change at offensive coordinator may signal good things on the horizon for the veteran WR.
Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Both Allen Robinson II and Tyreek Hill broke their penises strained their groins. Jameis Winston suffered a blow to his pride.
Stroke of Genius?:
The Brice is Right made some savvy moves this week, squeezing exceptional performances from Deshaun Watson (5 passing TDS), Adrian Peterson (1 rushing, 1 receiving TD) and Sammy Watkins (2 receiving TDs). Nyet Russian Bots kept up the hot streaks from Patrick Mahomes and Alvin Kamara.
“Todd Gurley Hates Your Fantasy Team” Pick of the Week:
Todd Gurley made a smart play at the end of Packers/Rams by going to the ground to run out the clock and passing up an open lane to the end zone. I’m sure it cost people some games and maybe even some money. Todd Gurley doesn’t care, his team won.
Result:
The Brice is Right makes it 3 in a row and advances to 5-3 and 3rd place.
Nyet Russian Bots gets their circuits crossed and falls to 6-2, but still maintains 1st place in AoA.
Tunnel Snakes v You’ve Been SACed
Painful Start:
My tight end woes continue. Instead of trying to decide whether to start David Njoku or OJ Howard, I tried to out-think myself by starting them both. Well, Njoku got me 0. Warn me next time I plan on thinking. The Colts defense burned me as well because I thought the Raiders would be, well, the Raiders.
As for You’ve Been SACed, Julio Jones had a bye week, and our old pal Duke Johnson Jr is up to his old tricks again.
Brutal Benching:
I’ll take my punishment. I benched Marvin Jones Jr for his match-up against the Seahawks and he responded by getting 27 points and having his best game of the season.
Captain Lance Murdock Injury Award:
Cooper Kupp seems to be nearing a return from his scary looking knee injury. Mike Nugent is kicking field goals on a farm upstate with other kickers. He is having a great time. Don’t worry about him, honest.
“Get the Running Game on Track” Pick of the Week:
This entire season, I’ve been cursed with trying to find a suitable running back to pair with James Conner. Dion Lewis has been hit or miss, even with the PPR boost. I tried Corey Clement, but he hasn’t seized his spot yet. Enter waiver wire pick-up Marlon Mack. Keep up the good work, sir.
Result:
Tunnel Snakes slither their way to 5-3 and 2nd place! Is this real life?
You’ve Been SACed loses a hard fought battle and drops to 4-4.
Week 8 is dead and buried. Happy Halloween, don’t forget to check your treats, and we’ll see you next week.
titan town 